December

Wow, I can't believe it's been already over a month since my last update. Sorry about that!  Unfortunetly, nothing new has happened since then either.  Our social worker is on maternity leave and I feared when she left for leave, we would not hear anything and so far that is the case.  I think she comes back in January sometime.  Looking forward to her return. She always kept us so updated on birth moms status in the agency, etc.  I feel really dis-connected from the agency right now and I hate that feeling.

The holidays have kept us busy these past few weeks with hosting Thanksgiving, putting up the Christmas tree and decorations, and planning holiday parties and cooking decorating.  I have a feeling December will too fly by.  It was a little dis-heartening putting up 4 stockings once again this year.  Every year we take the stockings down I hope the next year we can put up 5 stockings.  Guess this isn't our year for that either :/ 

I have to admit after waiting 1.5 years now it's harder to remain Faithful and the dreaded "it's not going to happen to us" feelings are setting in.  We've planned a beach vacation for late February and I didn't even think twice about not purchasing the "trip insurance."  We've been waiting 1.5 years, like it's really going to happen the one week we are on a trip...right?  Negativity has set in unfortunetly.  Still trying to remain as positive as we can be at this point and truly Greatful for what we already do have.  Two beautiful, high energy, crazy boys!

If I dont' post before Christmas, I hope everyone has a wonderful Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Reflections

God always works in such crazy ways and sometimes it just takes you to sit down and reflect to make you really realize it.  I've been reflecting on our adoption journey a lot lately.  I've been so crazy busy that I realized I really haven't had much time to really even worry or stress much about the adoption.  With everything else going on in our lives, God somehow decided to plant a seed in my little head to start a photography business on the side and this "business" has been taking up every waking spare moment of my life.  I have met some incredible people this fall and I want to truly thank each and every person who has let me take their fall pictures this year.  It has  been such a time commitment for me that it has replaced the nights that I would be sitting in front of my computer reading successful adoption stories on blogs, tears streaming down my face and wondering why it wasn't us that was picked.  Instead, I am faced with editing pictures every night.  Staring at the faces of these families and children and laughing at some of the hilarious outtakes.  The glimmer in their eyes, dimples in their cheeks, and wind burned faces places comfort in my heart knowing that our family has hope for that completion feeling someday too. 

I went to school to be a teacher but never taught.  God is using my creativity in a way that I never imagined.  Where will this photography side business take me?  Who knows.  But for now, I am loving every second of it and loving the distraction is has provided for me.  And look at how super cute my logo turned out?!  I love it and it is SO me!

Decision

It's with much frusteration, and a few tears that I tell you that we were not choosen today.  Part of me knew it wouldn't be us, but the feeling of rejection and not being "good enough" sting.  Our hearts hurt and our arms remain empty as we long to complete our family.

The family that was chosen is a family who has adopted already, a story we are all too familiar with by now.

Thank you for your thoughts and prayers today.  As I've said before, it's just not our time and there is a plan in all of this.

Good night!

Ross & Anne

Profile Showing

I am literally shaking as I right this post but here it goes.

Today, we had a profile showing.  10 families were choosen to be shown and we just received word that we made it in the top 3! We.are.in.shock.!

Our social worker said here are a few things she liked about our profile:
-That Ross & I seem to have a lot of trust in each other
-She liked that we have young children in our neighborhood
-She liked the pictures of our cabin
-And she liked that we loved to travel and loved family traditions :)

She took the top 3 profiles home and our social worker will be following up with her on Thursday.  Baby is due the day before Thanksgiving! (Approximately 4 weeks!)

We ask for your prayers during this time for us, for the birth mom, and for the other two families that she is considering. There is some risk with this birth mom as she is not 100% right now for adoption. She is about 80%.  This makes us a little nervous but we know that God has a plan in all of this! 

I will update with more news as soon as I know!

Fall Update

Unfortunately, it's been a slow start to our fall with the adoption. We have barely heard "boo" from our social worker!  We just received an update for what is coming up and  right now the agency has two inquiries.  Two Birth moms who are very early on in their pregnancies and wanting info on parenting and adoption.  So it will be interesting to see where these two end up leaning towards!

Our family remains very busy and keeping our minds off the whole "waiting."  We had our youngest nephew overnight a week ago and it was fun to see what it's like with 3 kids!  A little crazy, but fun crazy!  Nolan kept asking if we were going to keep him and if he was the baby God is giving to us.  I told him I think his mom would be pretty sad if we kept him and we have to give this baby back!  He still hasn't quite grasped the whole adoption thing yet :)

Other than that, we're just keeping busy and waiting for "the call!"....

One Year

Today marks one year waiting for our baby.  Somedays it seems longer than a year and somedays it seems shorter.  Usually though, it feels longer.  We have been officially on the waiting list for 1 year but it took us almost 1 year to get to the waiting list and we started talking about adoption 1 year before that.  So you can see where I am going with this whole waiting thing....So instead of dwelling on the fact that we have been waiting a year I want today to be a happy day and be thankful of what we have already been blessed with.  Thank you for your continued support and prayers while we trudge through this journey.  We are praying that we are coming to the end of our waiting. 



Baby Burau, we know you are going to be worth every second of waiting and we cannot wait until we meet you!  We dream of what you will look like and how we will meet and I know that when the time comes, it will be so much better than our dreams! 


Romans 12:12
Be joyful in Hope, Patient in Affliction, Faithful in prayer

Profile Showing

Today we had another profile showing.  At first, the birth mom did not have any preferences other than she did not want to look at anymore than 10 profile books.  When this happens, the agency picks the families who have been waiting the longest.  So even though it's frustrating we have been waiting so long, in this situation it ended up being a good thing!  We were one of the 10 books that were shown.  The bad news is right when she sat down, the first families she eliminated were families with biological children :/ Apparently this is a common trend right now....eliminating families with biological children.  Very frustrating to say the least.

Our new social worker came to meet us tonight and we like her a lot.  Mostly because she seems as upset as we are that we have only had two profile showings!  She says she doesn't understand and wants to reverse that for us this year.  I am hopeful with a new social worker, new eyes on our case, we will have more "looks" this year.  I am excited for a new year and hopefully can start to get more positive on the situation!

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers for us! We know our time is coming and are remaining faithful that we were lead to adoption for a reason!!! 

Homestudy renewal paperwork...done!!

Today the renewal paperwork went in the mail! It was my #1 goal for my week off this week so I was thrilled to put it in the mail box today.  We will have to wait for approval again but I don't see why there would be any reason we wouldn't get approved..nothing has changed! 

I read this on another adoption blog and it brought tears to my eyes. God is faithful even during the waiting process!  This also reminds me of Nolan and all his questions on the baby.  He has been asking more frequently when we will be getting a baby and told me that I need to ask God louder because he probably just can't hear me :)


Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I pled and I wept for a clue to my fate ,
And the Master so gently said, "Wait."

"Wait? you say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

"My future and all to which I relate
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to WAIT?
I'm needing a 'yes', a go-ahead sign,
Or even a 'no' to which I can resign.

"And Lord, You promised, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
And, Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
'I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.'"

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied once again, "You must wait."
So, I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting... for what?"

He seemed, then, to kneel,
And His eyes met with mine,
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

"All you seek I could give and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want-----
But, you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of my love for each saint;
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint;

"You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there;
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me;
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

"You'd never experience the fullness of love
When the peace of My Spirit descends like a dove;
You would know that I give and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

"The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight,
The depth that's beyond getting just what you asked
Of an infinite God, who makes what you have last.

"You'd never know, should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that, 'My grace is sufficient for thee.'
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But, oh, the loss, if I lost what I'm doing in you.

"So, be silent, My child, and in time you will see
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know Me.
And though oft' may My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still, Wait."

-Wait by Russel Kelfer

We talked  with our social worker this week and she gave us the news that she is leaving the agency.  As saddened as we are by this, we understand her decision to leave and wish her the best in the future.  I pray we get a replacement for her soon!  Also, as our 1 year of waiting approaches we feel that we need to "market" ourselves a little more so I will be working on an adoption facebook page, slide show of pictures, and an adoption website.  I've now seen a few people who have had successful adoptions by opening their lives up to the world wide web!  As scary as it sounds, I think after the first year of nothing happening, it's something we need to at least try. 

Monday I am back to work at my new job!  Excited for a change but also nervous for everything to go well.  Prayers are greatly appreciated!

Changes

Well now that it's official, I can finally post it!  I got a new job!  I've been interviewing with this company since May so it's been a long time coming.  I will be working for an insurance agency out of Winona, doing the exact same thing I do now except from the comforts of my own home!  Super excited to have more flexibility with the family, especially with Nolan going into Kindergarten in a year.   I was starting to really stress out about what to do with him after school.  Now, he will be able to get dropped off at home afterwards.  I prayed so hard to either get a job more flexible for my family or be able to have the means to quit my job and stay home with the kids and out of no where this job came to me.  How often do jobs come to you?? I truly believe this was not a random occurrence but an answered prayer.  (and a sign I am not ready to stay home...)

This job, since it's remote, will be much more flexible for when Baby Burau arrives.  I always wondered how it would work with my current employer and how maternity leave would work. I feel a huge stress off my shoulders and a true sense of relief about this now. Get me trained into this new job and then Baby Burau you can come any day! :)

We have been working diligently on completing our home study renewal and most of the larger items are complete.  I plan to take next week off between jobs and plan to spend a whole day gathering the rest of the information and sending it off to the agency.  I will be ready to put the 2nd home study to rest and pray we never ever have to do another one!

A lot of people have asked how we get through the actual waiting of this process.  To be honest, the waiting sucks but I think it's extremely important to stay busy during the process.  Sitting and dwelling about it isn't going to make the time go any faster.  My IT band injury is almost healed so I have been spending any free time I have training for a September half marathon.  In between that and work, we have been spending oodles of time at the cabin, soccer field, and maybe too much time at dairy queen & cherry berry!  (I swear you totally get paper pregnancy cravings! :) We are also surrounding ourselves with wonderful friends and family and reminding ourselves daily that we have been blessed and when God is ready to bless us some more, He will and on His time!

We received an update recently on the Mothers that are due in December/Januaryish and the update wasn't as positive as most of the Moms are now considering parenting.  I pray these Moms come to peace with their decision and pray they make the decision that is the best interest for the child. 

Thank you everyone for the outpouring of support and love!

29

Today is my 29th birthday! I L-O-V-E birthdays!! Even at 29 years old, they are still fun!  Today I plan to get off work early and do some "Me" shopping and then the boys are going to take me out to dinner.

I have high hopes for this year being the last year before the big 3-0.  I always said I wanted to be done having kids at 30 and hoping God lets me stick to that plan!

Here's to another great year. May it be the best year yet!!

One Year Homestudy Update

We received information on our homestudy one year update last week and I have to admit, I was a little taken back by the amount of paperwork and items we need to complete to be compliant with our homestudy again.  There are about 15 items we have to get done and they want these all done in 3 weeks or less.  Everything from updated financials, background checks, fingerprints, medical forms, self studys, essays, employment verifications, etc.  I remember getting this almost exact stack of papers over a year ago and being so excited to complete all of the items.  This time around, it's not as exciting.  I've been staring at the paperwork for 4 days now and haven't checked off even one of the items. 

Asking for prayers as we complete the stressful process of paperwork once again and keep hanging on to the hope that all this paperwork will be worth it one day.  It's sometimes hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel and it's even harder to get the motivation to complete these items when I feel like we just got done completing them. 

May Updates

We received our monthly "update" email from our social worker today.  Looks like they are currently working with two moms due in December and one mom due in January that are all planning on making an adoption plan but have not looked at profile books yet since it's still so early in the pregnancy.  I could handle a Christmas baby :)  It gives us some hope that there is some more activity at the agency though.

Our agency also is doing a large marketing campaign this summer.  They will be doing ads on KDWB, visiting high schools in the fall, and sending out marketing materials at the U of MN.  This has been a big push for them to get their name out and available to parents looking to make an adoption plan.  I'm excited to see the results they get from it!

That's really all the updates we have for now!  Summer is sure keeping us busy so don't expect too many updates from me unless we have a profile showing or something drastic happens. 

Happy Summer!

Not our time

We got a call Friday night from our social worker that our profile was shown,unfortunately a family was chosen and it wasn't us.  We didn't receive any other feedback other than the birth mom felt she had a connection with the family they choose.

We are feeling a few different things right now. First, being the obvious feeling of rejection and sadness and second the feeling of happiness as prayers were answered for a family that night. I can only imagine the joy the family who was chosen feels right now. I am truly excited for them and wish them the best as they move forward in the adoption process.

We are at complete peace knowing it wasn't our time and when the time is right...it will be perfect! 

Profile Showing?

I title my post Profile Showing with a question mark because...well y'all know how previous profile showings have gone, right??

Well...we are "suppose" to have a profile showing tomorrow, Friday June 1st!  I wasn't going to post it, as mentioned previously I feel like I am just jinxing everything but A.) I can't keep secrets. and B.) We, Birth Mom, and other families being shown need all the prayers we can get!

There are 24 families waiting at our agency and ALL of them will be shown to the birth mom tomorrow. Overwhelming, right?! So our chances of getting chosen are slim but also knowing that everything is meant to be and if this is the baby we are meant to have...it will all work out.  And if not...we will keep waiting for the right one!  Baby is due July 30th!  Which freaks me out a tad knowing that is right around the corner!!!! I think they will be eliminating profile books as quickly as possible to get a final decision.

We should know more in a few days if our book was chosen to move on to the next "step" or not.  I am not really sure what the next step would be but I'm assuming out of the 24 books, she will first try to limit to the top 5-8 and then either try limiting more from there or scheduling to meet each of them.  Everyone is different and we are unsure of what the process will be with this birth mom. 

I will update either way as soon as we know!  Again, prayers are greatly appreciated for everyone involved.  Specific prayer requests are as follows:

1. Prayers for the social workers and counselors involved that they may help lead this birth mom and birth dad to make the right decision for THEM and no one else. 

2. Prayers for the birth mom and dad.  May they have complete peace with their decision, whatever it may be. Pray they can feel God's hand in all of this. 

3. Prayers for all the other 23 families that are waiting and will be shown tomorrow.  A majority of them have been waiting longer than us and I know are just as eager to bring their baby home.

4. Prayers for Ross & I that if this is the baby God has chosen for us, we will be at peace with it and be ready to take this journey to the next level even with the shorter time span which freaks me out a bit!:)  If this baby isn't for us, may we be at peace with that also and know our baby is still out there waiting for us. 

5. And of course, prayers for the little baby that is expected to be making his/her appearance in 2 months! Pray the baby continues to grow and stay healthy and that whatever parent is picked for the baby, he/she will be loved unconditionally!

Thank you so much! I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend!

Dreams

Last weekend I had the most wonderful dreams!  I dreamed every night of our baby.  What heart break to wake up and realize they weren't true though!   I haven't dreamed this much about our baby before and wonder if this is a sign that we are getting closer?  I can only hope it's a sign! I've been praying for patience lately and a lot of it.  The hardest things for adoptive parents has got to be the waiting part. Forget about the paperwork, fees, personal questions, and doctor visits.  Looking back that was definitely the "easy" part of this process. 

One of the adoption books I read during our application process talked a lot about the waiting process.  The book is called "Successful Adoption, a guide for christian families."  It's written by Natalie Gillespie.  She talks about how the waiting process is extremely tough, but God has a plan in all of it.  He uses this time to make your faith grow, stretch you beyond your comfort zone, and into a new level of trusting and believing in him.  I have to agree, the book was right on with this.  After all, it is pretty rare for God to work right away.  He usually makes us wait.  The book tells us to not waste our wait time complaining about what we do not yet have (our child) but instead make it our goal to ask God what he wants us to do during this wait time to draw us closer to him, our families, etc.  Starting today, I want to stop wasting our wait time and start truly searching to God for how he wants us to spend our time. 

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.  -Deuteronomy 31:8

Pregnant....without a due date.

The title of my post comes from one of the adoption books we were required to read to become approved into the program called, "The Adoption Decision" by Laura Christianson.  The book discussed the "15 things you want to know before adopting."

My favorite part of the book is when the author describes how adoptive parents experience a "subdued pregnancy."  Most people don't even realize we are expecting because we don't show the physical signs of pregnancy.  I'm not nauseous, gaining weight around the stomach area, or crabby. (well maybe a little of the last one.... :))  Adoption parents labor pains are psychological, rather than physical. We have stretch marks on our hearts instead of our stomachs.  And as hard as it is to admit...I am pregnant without a due date.  And having experienced pregnancy first hand, pregnant without a due date sure sucks.

The weight seems long. I feel like we have been waiting forever and even though September is still 4 months away that month scares me because in September we will have been waiting a year already.  A lot can happen in 4 months, I keep telling myself that, but also the reality of not having our profile book shown even once yet in the 8 months we have been waiting is real and stares me in the face daily.

We're praying extra hard  that our "due date" approaches sooner than later.   

Prayers for "Baby E"

Asking for prayers for a special baby that we have never met but needs a good home. We were asked yesterday if we wanted to show our profile book to a birth family in California. They have an almost 5 month old baby girl up for adoption. She was born with severe Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH). Patients with this disorder can have an endocrine abnormality and midline brain defects. She is also blind, which is a symptom of this disorder. There is no real definitive test that can assess for the severity of the midline brain defects and a true prognosis can only be made at around ages two or three. She was placed with a family for adoption when she was born and now that family is no longer able to complete the adoption process.

My heart breaks for this little girl and I feel horrible to not have our book shown. Who are we to turn this child down and be so picky? One of our children could have easily have been born with a disability and we would not have the choice to say "no." However, I have to remain faithful that this isn't our time and that there is a wonderful family out there waiting for this baby to join their family.

Please pray that Baby "E" finds a wonderful family soon and that family is able to successfully complete all her needs.

March updates

We're back! Our family trip to California has came to a close. It was wonderful and we can't wait to go back! I was hoping to come back to some adoption news but everything is still pretty quiet around here. We did get an update from our social worker highlighting what happened with the agency in March:

EXPECTANT PARENT COUNSELING PROGRAM:
They worked with a total of 4 expectant parents this month, of those:

*1 Expectant parent that is making an adoption. They have been counseling this birthmother for the past two months and she is matched with a BCS family that she knew personally. Due early May 2012*1 expectant parent that is still trying to decide if she wants to parent or make an adoption plan. She is due May 2012. She has been counseled through BCS for the past two months. *2 Expectant parents that are moving towards parenting. One counseled since January 2012 and the other began counseling this month
Births/Placement's this Month:*1 Birthmother decided to parent at the birth of the child*2 babies placed with BCS families (currently in legal risk placement) in the Month of March.
1-BCS-Plymouth family based on a profile book showing in January.
1-BCS-Plymouth family based on a profile book showing in February in South
Dakota.

Profile Showings:
*2 in Naples, Florida.
-Expectant family requested a family that had personal experience with trans racial adoption, specifically African American.
-Expectant parents were of African American and African Caribbean descent. BCS-Plymouth family was matched with the expectant parents.

So as you can see....stuff is happening....just not a lot!

There are now 26 families waiting at our agency in MN. Of those, 4 of them are pending placements. I was overjoyed to see one of the families pending placement was a family that was in one of our classes! It warms my heart to see people you have met and talked to get placed. Prayers for these families are they enter the final adoption proceedings. And as always, prayers for our family as we wait patiently to complete ours.

Family Vaca!

In one week from today, we will be heading out to California for a family vacation! The boys are very excited, as are we! Can't help but wonder if this will be our last family vacation for awhile!

Though the initial excitement of the adoption process has definitely worn off, the unknown excitement still lingers for sure. I think after being on the waiting list 6 months now with no profile showings so far, we are pretty used to no activity with the adoption. I wouldn't say my hopes are fading, but sometimes I feel almost numb to the whole waiting process. Days will go by without me thinking about "the call". I think this is good. Living each day wondering if today is the day is not a fun way to live. And still staying faithful that God led us to adoption for a reason. I truly believe he would not have let us get this far, pay thousands of dollars, and then have nothing work out in the end. There is a plan, we just aren't aware of it yet!!

Please pray for safe travels as we go to California next week. We will be visiting La Quinta, Anaheim, and San Diego. Excited to see the children's faces as they experience new things!

6 Months

Wow, can't believe it's been almost 6 months that we have been waiting already. Some days it feels like it should be longer and some days, shorter. There hasn't been a whole lot of activity at our adoption agency lately either, just a few moms that aren't sure if they are going to parent or proceed with the adoption steps. We are both still very anxious for something to happen yet also very cautious knowing that when the timing is right, it will happen.

Currently I am suppose to be training for a half marathon. Anyone who has trained for a 1/2 or full marathon knows the time and commitment that goes into it. It's a lot of time away from your family and when I ran my last one I always felt guilty coming home from work and leaving Nolan for another hour or two to go run. However, it's fallen on my bucket list again to complete another one and when something is in my head I can't seem to get it out! I also don't know if this will be one of my last ones to run for awhile. If we get a baby, it would make training MUCH harder! Anyways, while pre-training my IT Band Syndrome has kicked in again. The IT Band is a thick band that runs from your hip, down the side of your leg and to your knee. When you overuse this band without proper stretching and strengthening, it becomes irritated and extremely painful preventing you to run and in my case...even walk! So I am now on the injured list and receiving chiropractic, personal training, & physical training! Trying to do anything to get my injury recovered and back to running before it's too late. My race is scheduled for the first weekend in June. Unfortunately, I also have this in BOTH legs. Prayers are accepted for a quick healing for me! Running is definetly my "therapy" and I always say if I wasn't a runner, I would have to receive counseling. HA!

Thank you also to everyone who is following our blog and our journey. It is comforting to know we have so many people who are cheering us on and praying for us to complete our family. We are truly blessed.

Another failed attempt at a profile showing

Well...another profile showing that fell through. I know you are probably thinking, "you've got to be kidding." I'm not. I was in shock too. Apparently there were 24 families that wanted to be shown and the agency said that was too many and way too overwhelming for the birth parents. (which I completely agree). So they ended up choosing 10 and choose the families who have been waiting the longest and families who have already adopted. (this was one preference the birth family wanted).

We've had 4 chances to show our profile now. Two of them we rejected, and two of them have fallen apart. I just want our profile book shown at least once! It's a little frustrating to think we've been waiting for 5 months and haven't been able to show our book yet.

When I first got the call that our book wouldn't be shown I have to admit, the tears were a'flowin'. I was driving to go pick up Nolan from daycare and I kept saying, "Really God?! Really?! Is this a joke?! What are you trying to do to me?" And then I became completely at peace when I stopped yelling at God and really listened to him. Listened to him tell me that it was going to be OK and he has bigger and better things for us planned. It's not our time and when our time comes, it's going to be perfect. Then, I went home and ate like 5lbs of valentine chocolates. (I'm an emotional eater. Back off). Plus, it was dark chocolate which makes it ok, right?

There were a few things about this adoption that we didn't like anyways. First being the birth parents were adamant about naming the child. I was having a hard time with this but realized that I needed to let it go, even though it bothered me. The 2nd thing that bothered me was the birth mom was due April 5th. Just one day before we were planning on leaving for our family vacation to California. Don't get me wrong...if the time comes and we become parents again around this time, we will happily cancel our trip, but it was something that did "bother" me about this one.

So back to square one where we wait again. Maybe next time we get a call for a profile showing, I'll wait until AFTER the showing to post about it. I feel like I'm jinxing myself!

Roller coaster

Adoption is like a roller coaster there's no way denying that and now were back on the highs of it all!

Our profile book will be shown on Friday out of state! The birth parents have not 100% made up their minds to parent or adopt, which is a little scary, however they are looking at profile books this Friday.

The birth mom is due April 5th ( which happens to be my sisters birthday also:) and is only 7 weeks away! So I think decisions will be made sooner than later.

If birth parents like our profile, we will go out of state to meet them. Most likely they will meet a few families and then choose their "favorite." if chosen from there, after the baby is born, we would have to remain in that state for 1 to 2 weeks until the state clears us. So it's a little different than intrastate.

I apologize for remaining pretty vague on the details of the state, birth parents, and baby but due to privacy I have to be careful what information we release.

So again we ask that you keep these birth parents in your prayers as they decide the future for their baby and pray that they are at peace with whatever decision is made.

Will update as soon as we hear anything either way which could be a few days after the showing.

Happy valentines day and random ramblings

We are celebrating valentines day today with Ross refing and me home with pink eye! No fun! When Nolan gets home we plan to make some valentines and order pizza though:)

It was a year ago today when we did our doctor appointments and submitted our medical records for approval. Hard to believe that was a year ago already!

Nolans 4th birthday party was a hit! I cannot believe my "baby" is 4! Will post pictures when I get my computer fixed and am able to upload pictures!

Other than that..it's been pretty quiet around here!

Changing prayer requests

I received this forward from a friend today and it couldn't have came at a better time. It's a cute illustration of just how good God is to us all the time, even though we feel he is not answering our prayers at the time. It totally "hit home" for me. How selfish I have become wanting a baby to come to us right this second. Praying everyday for today to be "the day" and being upset every night when "the call" never came that day. Tonight, my prayers have changed.


Me (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?
GOD: Sure.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
GOD: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
GOD: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start,
GOD: Okay....
Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait
GOD: Hmmmm..
Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call
GOD: All right
Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to
soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?
GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me (humbled): Oh...
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road
Me (ashamed): ............
GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed): Oh.....
GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered
Me (softly): I see God
GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm sorry God.
GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good and the bad
Me: I WILL trust you God
GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan
Me: I won't God. And let me tell you God, thank you for everything today.
GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children.

Scriptural References: II Samuel 22:31, Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:13 "The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.. .." (Proverbs 11:25)

A harsh reality

This week has been bittersweet as we prepare for Nolan's 4 year birthday party. He is so very excited as are we but it's also a hard reality that my " baby" is no longer a baby and a hard reality of the baby we wait for that isn't coming to us as fast as we would like!

Baby stuff was on clearance a few weeks ago. Strollers,high chairs,etc and I couldn't for the life of me buy any of it. In the fear that I would for sure be jinxing it. It reminds me of the similarities of when your in your first trimester of pregnancy so worried about everything going wrong and not wanting to tell anyone or buy anything in the fear of being jinxed. Luckily for pregnancy that feeling only lasts a few months. But for adoption,it's a feeling that won't go away until you have the baby in your arms and the legal paperwork signed. A harsh reality. I hate feeling this way and I hate that I'm constantly questioning God asking him if he's sure about this. Is this really the road you want for us? I am the most impatient person ever. Why did God choose US to adopt??

Update

We received an email today from our social worker about the BM who is considering adoption and is due in March. She has become confident in her adoption decision but is hoping to choose a couple that she knows personally. (Insert sad face...)

Also, Because of the insurance she is on, it would also be an additional $10,000-$15,000 for the adoptive family for the delivery expenses. (insert another sad face...) She must have a policy that excludes delivery, which is common in individual health insurance plans to make the plan more affordable.

So with that being said, we have withdrawn our option of having our book shown if she chooses that route.

And so we wait again....

Patience

If you want to test your patience....adopt! Seriously, I don't think my patience has been tested like this before! We still haven't heard anything from the BM that is looking for health insurance options which is pretty frustrating to say the least. With her due in 8 weeks, I would think they would need to get her moving on the profile books.

On a side note, we just booked a family vacation to California for April. It's definitely something to get our mind off the waiting game! Kids are excited!!

Other than that...just wanted to update with no news basically! Like I have said before, it's just not our time .... and we have to be o.k. with that.

Profile Showing on hold....

Well we got a call today saying the profile book showing that was scheduled for Monday is on hold. :( BM (Birth Mom) lives with her mom and is on her insurance. Her insurance does not cover prenatal. They looked into getting BM on state insurance but because she lives with her mom, she does not qualify so the agency is looking at some other options. If she can't find any other options, most likely most, if not all, of the prenatal costs will be passed along to the adoption family. Now, I'm not a medical insurance biller or anything but I'm assuming these costs could be over $15,000, which would then force us to withdraw our profile book from being shown. Once they figure out more, she will be able to view profiles.

As someone who said they are not trying to get too excited about this showing, I have to say this phone call kind of let me down! Was just super excited that our profile was FINALLY being shown for the first time! Oh well..hopefully they will figure out the insurance part of things and get BM back to looking at profiles. After all..she is due in approx 9weeks!

Profile showing!!!

On Monday ( jan 23rd) we will have our first profile book showing! So excited but also super nervous. The birth parents have requested they would prefer choosing a family without kids and one with a stay at home mom. Clearly we don't fit the qualifications, however they still show families who don't meet those qualifications because lots of the times they pick a family who originally didn't meet their qualifications! So even though it seems the odds are against us, we are praying for the birth parents to be at peace with their decision and If we are the family to chose than this is what God has planned for us!

The creepy thing is just last night I had a dream our social worker called and said "you've been chosen!" so when my phone rang with b's name on the caller ID I had to stop and take a few big breaths! B hasn't called since the whole premie baby option which was a few months ago. So even though she wasn't calling to tell us we've been chosen, having her call was still super weird!

Hope to give an update next week with whatever the decision is. Please keep our family,the birth parents, and the other families having their profiles shown in your prayers. No matter what decision they make, it will be the right one!

Adoption Tax Credit

As a family who is pursuing adoption, we know the financial burden adoption brings. The adoption tax credit was suppose to end this year and there is a petition started to have it go until 2013. Please sign and pass along to anyone you may know! Thank you!


http://www.change.org/petitions/make-adoption-costs-fully-refundable-in-the-2012-2013-tax-years

Tagxedo

Tagexedo created this using words from my blog and this is how it turned out. Pretty cool! I love how adoption, family, and pray are in bigger letters. Especially since that is the whole focus of this blog! And as you can see, the words are shaped in a baby's footprint:)

A year ago today!

A year ago today this picture was taken! We had just arrived in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico on 1/1/11! What a wonderful way to celebrate a new year! This trip has so much meaning to me because it was truly here where we finalized our decision to adopt. We had been thinking of it for awhile but while on this trip without any other disruptions, we had a lot of reflecting, praying, and just time together to figure out what we wanted as a family. I remember getting home from this trip and starting the paperwork the next day:) Hard to believe it's been a whole YEAR since we have started the process! Praying that we can end 2012 with an adoption this year! :)