"Tomorrow or in 2 years"

Anyone who has talked to me about our adoption plans has always asked, "So when will you get your baby?" And my answer is always the same. "Could be tomorrow, could be two years." I almost laugh at it every time because when I say "tomorrow" the chances of that really happening are pretty rare. Most of the time, we will get more of a notice. However, after this week of events "tomorrow or in 2 years" doesn't sound so crazy anymore.

We received a call Wednesday night (9/28) from "B" our social worker saying that a 19 year old had given birth 3 weeks ago to a 27 week old baby. 1lb 14 oz. (do you know how small that is?!) All our agency knew about the baby was that she was doing well for her age and the baby needs at least another 6 weeks in the NICU. We were asked if we wanted our profile shown to the birth mom on Friday. However, we had to have our answer to the agency by Thursday at 5pm. After a sleepless night on Wednesday night and a very unproductive day at work Thursday we called our social worker to see if she had heard anymore updates on the baby. Her updates were very positive. Baby has good hearing and vision, has been breathing on her own since day 3 (Crazy good), no bleeding in the brain, and is wide eyed and seems pretty alert for her age. This lifted our spirits and we were really leaning towards having our book shown.

However, after much prayer, tears, and conversations, we decided that we would not have our profile shown. Our main factor laying on the 6 week NICU stay. How that will affect us, our jobs, and our other two kids. Adding another baby to the family is such a huge transition for other children, and then to have to be away from them so much these next 6 weeks literally breaks my heart. The 6 weeks is also not guaranteed so it could easily turn into 7,8,9,etc weeks. The baby will be going home at around 4lbs which is still extremely small and means that the baby cannot be going out in public for quiet awhile. As a very active family, we knew this would be extremely hard on us.

Although we are truly at peace with our decision, I feel broken and sad thinking of this precious baby fighting for her life all alone in the hospital. I pray a good family got chosen for her on Friday. I pray the baby has a speedy time in the NICU and leaves there happy and healthy in 6 weeks. Please add this baby, the birth mom, and the family who became her family on Friday in your prayers.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11

Adoption through a 3 year olds eyes

Over these last few months, Ross & I have been talking about adoption to the kids. I'm pretty confident that Ian gets it. However, we still have a little work to do with Nolan. Granted, he's 3. This is our conversation this morning as we were heading out the door to daycare....

me: Nolan, please get your shoes on, we need to get going.
Nolan: "no...you do it." (in his tired/whiny voice...)
me: Nolan, when we get a baby, you are going to have to do a lot of things like this yourself. Mom will be too busy getting the baby ready.
Nolan: So when is God going to knock on our door and drop the baby off?

Oh boy..... :) I can just imagine him right now....talking to his friends at daycare. "God's going to drop a baby off at my house!" So precious to hear how he tries to understand and make sense of this all.

Tonight I tried to explain to him that mommy will not have a baby in her tummy because that makes me really sick. But someone else will have a baby in their tummy and then give us the baby and the baby will be ours! He goes, "But Jamie has a baby in her tummy!" (our old daycare provider). I love that his wheels are spinning as he tries to make sense of this all!

Paper Pregnant!!!

It's official! We are paper pregnant! Home study was approved on 9/8/11, however I somehow didn't get the email telling me this so our social worker called me last Friday, 9/16 asking why I haven't responded! So after having the reality of it all hitting us over the weekend we are ready to submit our profile books and start the official waiting process! We truly believe God put adoption into our hearts and minds for a reason and know he would not let us get this far in the process if this was not the path he wanted for us. We are remaining Faithful to Him and know He has a big plan in all of this!

Our agency did mention they are having a "slow" time right now with birth parents so we are trying to prepare ourselves for this to take awhile.

However, I will continue updating the blog on any news we hear, our feelings while we're waiting, and any other adoption things that come along!

Thank you all for the prayers for our family during this time. You will all never truly know how much we appreciate every single one of them!

Love, Ross & Anne