A harsh reality

This week has been bittersweet as we prepare for Nolan's 4 year birthday party. He is so very excited as are we but it's also a hard reality that my " baby" is no longer a baby and a hard reality of the baby we wait for that isn't coming to us as fast as we would like!

Baby stuff was on clearance a few weeks ago. Strollers,high chairs,etc and I couldn't for the life of me buy any of it. In the fear that I would for sure be jinxing it. It reminds me of the similarities of when your in your first trimester of pregnancy so worried about everything going wrong and not wanting to tell anyone or buy anything in the fear of being jinxed. Luckily for pregnancy that feeling only lasts a few months. But for adoption,it's a feeling that won't go away until you have the baby in your arms and the legal paperwork signed. A harsh reality. I hate feeling this way and I hate that I'm constantly questioning God asking him if he's sure about this. Is this really the road you want for us? I am the most impatient person ever. Why did God choose US to adopt??