Another failed attempt at a profile showing

Well...another profile showing that fell through. I know you are probably thinking, "you've got to be kidding." I'm not. I was in shock too. Apparently there were 24 families that wanted to be shown and the agency said that was too many and way too overwhelming for the birth parents. (which I completely agree). So they ended up choosing 10 and choose the families who have been waiting the longest and families who have already adopted. (this was one preference the birth family wanted).

We've had 4 chances to show our profile now. Two of them we rejected, and two of them have fallen apart. I just want our profile book shown at least once! It's a little frustrating to think we've been waiting for 5 months and haven't been able to show our book yet.

When I first got the call that our book wouldn't be shown I have to admit, the tears were a'flowin'. I was driving to go pick up Nolan from daycare and I kept saying, "Really God?! Really?! Is this a joke?! What are you trying to do to me?" And then I became completely at peace when I stopped yelling at God and really listened to him. Listened to him tell me that it was going to be OK and he has bigger and better things for us planned. It's not our time and when our time comes, it's going to be perfect. Then, I went home and ate like 5lbs of valentine chocolates. (I'm an emotional eater. Back off). Plus, it was dark chocolate which makes it ok, right?

There were a few things about this adoption that we didn't like anyways. First being the birth parents were adamant about naming the child. I was having a hard time with this but realized that I needed to let it go, even though it bothered me. The 2nd thing that bothered me was the birth mom was due April 5th. Just one day before we were planning on leaving for our family vacation to California. Don't get me wrong...if the time comes and we become parents again around this time, we will happily cancel our trip, but it was something that did "bother" me about this one.

So back to square one where we wait again. Maybe next time we get a call for a profile showing, I'll wait until AFTER the showing to post about it. I feel like I'm jinxing myself!

Roller coaster

Adoption is like a roller coaster there's no way denying that and now were back on the highs of it all!

Our profile book will be shown on Friday out of state! The birth parents have not 100% made up their minds to parent or adopt, which is a little scary, however they are looking at profile books this Friday.

The birth mom is due April 5th ( which happens to be my sisters birthday also:) and is only 7 weeks away! So I think decisions will be made sooner than later.

If birth parents like our profile, we will go out of state to meet them. Most likely they will meet a few families and then choose their "favorite." if chosen from there, after the baby is born, we would have to remain in that state for 1 to 2 weeks until the state clears us. So it's a little different than intrastate.

I apologize for remaining pretty vague on the details of the state, birth parents, and baby but due to privacy I have to be careful what information we release.

So again we ask that you keep these birth parents in your prayers as they decide the future for their baby and pray that they are at peace with whatever decision is made.

Will update as soon as we hear anything either way which could be a few days after the showing.

Happy valentines day and random ramblings

We are celebrating valentines day today with Ross refing and me home with pink eye! No fun! When Nolan gets home we plan to make some valentines and order pizza though:)

It was a year ago today when we did our doctor appointments and submitted our medical records for approval. Hard to believe that was a year ago already!

Nolans 4th birthday party was a hit! I cannot believe my "baby" is 4! Will post pictures when I get my computer fixed and am able to upload pictures!

Other than that..it's been pretty quiet around here!

Changing prayer requests

I received this forward from a friend today and it couldn't have came at a better time. It's a cute illustration of just how good God is to us all the time, even though we feel he is not answering our prayers at the time. It totally "hit home" for me. How selfish I have become wanting a baby to come to us right this second. Praying everyday for today to be "the day" and being upset every night when "the call" never came that day. Tonight, my prayers have changed.


Me (in a tizzy) : God, can I ask you something?
GOD: Sure.
Me (frustrated): Why did you let so much stuff happen to me today?
GOD: What do you mean?
Me: Well I woke up late,
GOD: Yes
Me: My car took forever to start,
GOD: Okay....
Me (growling): At lunch, they made my sandwich wrong and I had to wait
GOD: Hmmmm..
Me: On the way home, my phone went dead, just as I picked up a call
GOD: All right
Me (loudly): And to top it all off, when I got home, I just wanted to
soak my feet in my foot massager and relax, but it wouldn't work. Nothing went right today! Why did you do that?
GOD: Well let me see..... the death angel was at your bed this morning and I had to send one of the other angels to battle him for your life. I let you sleep through that.
Me (humbled): Oh...
GOD: I didn't let your car start because there was a drunk driver on your route that might have hit you if you were on the road
Me (ashamed): ............
GOD: The first person who made your sandwich today was sick and I didn't want you to catch what they have, I knew you couldn't afford to miss work.
Me (embarrassed): Oh.....
GOD: Your phone went dead because the person that was calling was going to give a false witness about what you said on that call, I didn't even let you talk to them so you would be covered
Me (softly): I see God
GOD: Oh and that foot massager, it had a shortage that was going to throw out all of the power in your house tonight. I didn't think you wanted to be in the dark.
Me: I'm sorry God.
GOD: Don't be sorry, just learn to trust me.........in all things, the good and the bad
Me: I WILL trust you God
GOD: And don't doubt that my plan for your day is always better than your plan
Me: I won't God. And let me tell you God, thank you for everything today.
GOD: You're welcome child. It was just another day being your God and I love looking after my children.

Scriptural References: II Samuel 22:31, Proverbs 3:5, Hebrews 2:13 "The generous will prosper; those who refresh others will themselves be refreshed.. .." (Proverbs 11:25)

A harsh reality

This week has been bittersweet as we prepare for Nolan's 4 year birthday party. He is so very excited as are we but it's also a hard reality that my " baby" is no longer a baby and a hard reality of the baby we wait for that isn't coming to us as fast as we would like!

Baby stuff was on clearance a few weeks ago. Strollers,high chairs,etc and I couldn't for the life of me buy any of it. In the fear that I would for sure be jinxing it. It reminds me of the similarities of when your in your first trimester of pregnancy so worried about everything going wrong and not wanting to tell anyone or buy anything in the fear of being jinxed. Luckily for pregnancy that feeling only lasts a few months. But for adoption,it's a feeling that won't go away until you have the baby in your arms and the legal paperwork signed. A harsh reality. I hate feeling this way and I hate that I'm constantly questioning God asking him if he's sure about this. Is this really the road you want for us? I am the most impatient person ever. Why did God choose US to adopt??

Update

We received an email today from our social worker about the BM who is considering adoption and is due in March. She has become confident in her adoption decision but is hoping to choose a couple that she knows personally. (Insert sad face...)

Also, Because of the insurance she is on, it would also be an additional $10,000-$15,000 for the adoptive family for the delivery expenses. (insert another sad face...) She must have a policy that excludes delivery, which is common in individual health insurance plans to make the plan more affordable.

So with that being said, we have withdrawn our option of having our book shown if she chooses that route.

And so we wait again....