"Tomorrow or in 2 years"

Anyone who has talked to me about our adoption plans has always asked, "So when will you get your baby?" And my answer is always the same. "Could be tomorrow, could be two years." I almost laugh at it every time because when I say "tomorrow" the chances of that really happening are pretty rare. Most of the time, we will get more of a notice. However, after this week of events "tomorrow or in 2 years" doesn't sound so crazy anymore.

We received a call Wednesday night (9/28) from "B" our social worker saying that a 19 year old had given birth 3 weeks ago to a 27 week old baby. 1lb 14 oz. (do you know how small that is?!) All our agency knew about the baby was that she was doing well for her age and the baby needs at least another 6 weeks in the NICU. We were asked if we wanted our profile shown to the birth mom on Friday. However, we had to have our answer to the agency by Thursday at 5pm. After a sleepless night on Wednesday night and a very unproductive day at work Thursday we called our social worker to see if she had heard anymore updates on the baby. Her updates were very positive. Baby has good hearing and vision, has been breathing on her own since day 3 (Crazy good), no bleeding in the brain, and is wide eyed and seems pretty alert for her age. This lifted our spirits and we were really leaning towards having our book shown.

However, after much prayer, tears, and conversations, we decided that we would not have our profile shown. Our main factor laying on the 6 week NICU stay. How that will affect us, our jobs, and our other two kids. Adding another baby to the family is such a huge transition for other children, and then to have to be away from them so much these next 6 weeks literally breaks my heart. The 6 weeks is also not guaranteed so it could easily turn into 7,8,9,etc weeks. The baby will be going home at around 4lbs which is still extremely small and means that the baby cannot be going out in public for quiet awhile. As a very active family, we knew this would be extremely hard on us.

Although we are truly at peace with our decision, I feel broken and sad thinking of this precious baby fighting for her life all alone in the hospital. I pray a good family got chosen for her on Friday. I pray the baby has a speedy time in the NICU and leaves there happy and healthy in 6 weeks. Please add this baby, the birth mom, and the family who became her family on Friday in your prayers.

"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." -Jeremiah 29:11